week five

This week has bought many challenges, and with those challenges - tiredness. When I am tired I stress easily, eat more, and am basically mean. Mostly to me but.

This weekend we hosted a BBQ for my elder sister's bday which was super fun, but it meant that my eating was a little over the top and that I find myself on day six of this weeks eating plan with extra food. Lame.

When I began this food delivery we agreed that if we were going to invest in this (and it is a total investment for our wages at present) that I had to commit to it. That I needed to do it right and stick at it. This week I feel as though I haven't really given it my all due to tiredness and excuses, and I am really disappointed in me.

But that is okay, because tomorrow is a new day. A new chance to start over. This life just keeps on giving me new opportunities to start over and of that I am super grateful.

All of the above being said, I lost almost another kilo this week so yay for that!

These work pants have gotten to the point of super-obscenely loose, they look ridiculous. But that is okay since I bought them for $4 at the salvo's. More where those came from. I've also been coming to the realization that all of my fave clothes won't be any use to me once I hit goal weight. Makes me a bit sad, which is stupid I know. But sad all the same.

In other news this week, Himself's friend (an upholsterer) made us up some awesome cushions for our day beds.

 

Our back deck area is coming together super nicely, tis a nice spot for book reading and cups of tea indeed.

We just love our little home, can't wait to own a place with Himself someday way soon ♥

How was everyone else's weekend?

the undaunted one

Today I was brave. I stood up to that inner monologue of mine many many times. That 'voice' that urges me to run and hide when something is new/scary, that tries to convince me that I'm not worth the effort or eating well/exercise/getting dressed nicely on my day off. The biggest urges of late however, have been the ones regarding eating. It was to be expected really. The more I ignore the urges the louder and more scary they appear to be, but really they can't do anything to hurt me. In the past I did a bit of ACT therapy - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy which was absolutely perfect for me.

"ACT is based on the idea that, generally, trying to rid ourselves of pain and distress only increases it, and turns it into something traumatic.  The alternative is to accept it - but that doesn't mean being defeated or tolerating suffering.  We learn to make room for painful feelings, thoughts, and sensations - allowing them to be there, coming and going without us struggling against them"

source 

My Dr gave me the the demons on the boat  metaphor to read over as homework one time, this is still something I refer back to almost daily - reminding myself that it is okay, that it can't hurt me. It is just uncomfortable sometimes emotionally, and I have mostly learnt to sit with those feelings. 

Which is where the courage comes in. I am proud of how brave and strong I've been lately, it has taken a buttload of effort and it would be easier to not be brave defo.

Running means no pay off though, that I don't honour my desires and dreams. Lame.

Another thing that frightens the pants off me (don't worry not literally!) is sharing full body images of myself. Current, head to toe (clothed!!) images of me. 

Before I have lost.all.the.weight....

Eep! I'm going to be totally cliche and "feel the fear and do it anyway"
Hmm, actually, that makes my post-title into a little bit of a lie...since I am a little daunted but okay with it...

Here goes...

So, yeah. I'm awesome. A little battered but happy as and feeling super pleased with my efforts to live a life that is authentic and mindful :)

I already know that I'm a Fatty Mc Fatterson, so no mean comments. Just sayin'


melanie ann xo