old beginings

I want to blog more

to have a clean home

to lose that last bit of weight

to be a nicer girlfriend

to be kinder to my body and myself

to live an authentic existence

to no longer merely want to be all these things, but to be living a life that strives toward being the best me. to make continued and somewhat consistent efforts toward this

no longer do I wish to live life according to the urges I feel - no longer grab every single time for the quickest fix

to sit with these urges and impulses screaming at me means they will fade away. afterwards I will be stronger.

afterwards it will all be okay. it is just a matter of getting to the after

now is not the part where I will vow that 2012 will be the year, that it will all change because it is the new year. I am still the same me I was at the very start of 2011, wanting much the same as now. longing to be living life the way my heart desires.

that's the good thing about life, so many chances to give it another go.

and so today, the 3rd Jan 2012, I am giving it another go.

one urge at a time. one teeny tiny step at a time. perhaps even a whole day at a time.

I will leave you here with images of my right now, the home that is making my heart practically burst with happiness.

 I hope that you all join me in these moments of my trying to live life as me. attempting change. giving an authentic life a really good go.

much love

Dear Melanie Ann....

.....here are a few tips for you next time you are feeling down/shit:

-Starting the day with exercise makes you feel amazing. It helps with your weight loss, gives you energy and makes you a wayyyy nicer person to be around.

-Starting the day with lots of water and a piece of fruit also makes for all round nicer feeling melly. The massive amounts of caffeine you imbibe throughout the workday? Not so much. It makes you dehydrated, cranky, and super tired the next day because you haven't been able to sleep properly due to the consumption of fifty-million coffee's you drank because you were tired. Get where I am going with this one? Yup.

Sorry to be all captain obvious at you there, but you don't seem to be getting it do you? Not really sinking in is it?!

-You've more than enough "stuff" you don't need that book or dress or perfume. You want it. Big difference there. Paying the bills would be way more advisable.

Annnnd, just while I'm picking on you here - leaving the chores until later means the stuff that needs doing takes up space in your mind whilst you put it off. Five minutes now to fold washing/clear away dishes/sweep is better than two days spent avoiding it. Just sayin'

Hope you aren't super offended by my pointers here, its just that you already know all of this and continue to live life the hard way. You are seriously choosing to feel badly about yourself and to make life difficult.

It's getting old.

Again, just sayin'

(because everybody knows that adding just sayin' on the end of criticism makes it all okay)

Yours, Melanie Ann xo

It is MORE than time

This has been popping up on my news feed on fb the past week or so, everytime I watch it I tear up. So beautiful and is an issue very close to my heart.

I just can not understand why a person would be discriminatory toward another human for any reason.

Please share ♥

Right now

Of late, being as busy as I've been, my self-care has been the first thing for me to neglect. Because of this, the past few days or so I have felt myself sliding downward, my mood dipping into the start of a really bad place for it to be in. This neglect of myself a knock on effect to the rest of my life as I skip the gym because I am tired, eat like crap because I cannot "be bothered" and give in to outside demands that I really don't need to I get more tired and skip more and keep on spiraling.

I've not had any time to myself to just do nothing for a few weeks either which makes for a very shirty me. All of that, and the fact that I've been in a really horrible sleeping pattern (or more like not-being-able-to-get-to-sleep-and-stay asleep-because-my-brain-wont-turn-off-pattern) has found me in this moment.

You know how people describe depression as a black dog? It is totally like one, but mine if more like a fly on a hot summer's day when you're trying to eat outdoors. It just won't fuck off.

No matter how much you swat at it, try to squash it, or even just shoo it away, it just keeps getting all up in business. Landing on your food/face and hovering noisily in your space. Seriously, nothing seems to get it to leave.

The depression just keeps on creeping in, and it makes me so angry that I have to keep dealing with it. Keeps flying back at me. Sometimes I want to kick, scream, and throw myself on the ground like a small child. NOT FAIR :(

But alas, it is still here. Perhaps I might be deemed as one of the lucky ones that can maintain with exercise, diet, adequate sleep etc. At least meds are not part of the equation for me, not anymore anyway. It is just SO FUCKING HARD though. UYSIOHDAPSORFJoisdgbfiosdfhaspfhiOPOHafiuegoihgahhhhhhhhhh!

To get up, to get myself to the gym/go for a walk. To not eat the 'good right now foods' that leave me low. 
Just to exist is exhausting.

and Ruby makes three...

Its official, we're a family these days.

Myself, himself, and beautiful Ruby....

BTW Ruby is a cat haha. She came to us on Sunday and is here to stay.

Her fur on her back was matted into mostly one huge dread lock, ears filthy, and some of her claws were ingrown into the pads of her feet. I can't even begin to wonder what was going on in the mind of the people in charge of her care. Not much is my guess. GRRRRR! Anyhow, I won't go there as 'they' don't concern me.

We took her to the vets on Tuesday and they were not too impressed at her condition either. She ended up having to be sedated so she could be shaved etc which knocked her about a heap :(

After she had a massive sleep she came good though, and has been purring pretty much non-stop since. Even when she eats. Even when we make fun of her for looking like this....

Forgot to rotate before uploading whoops. P.s. Animals are hard to photograph on an iPhone. Just sayin'

Unfortunate look for her, but the vet-nurse did prep us before bringing Ruby out to us. I believe her words were "they do say The difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is about a week" 

Ruby has been a part  of Himself's life for many years, but she is very new to mine. I'm very smitten already ♥

Things I love most about having Ruby as a part of our little family:

- she follows me everywhere around the house, like a puppy

- the noises she makes when she eats (sounds like himself a bit lol)

- spoiling her with treats, feeding her lots and patting on demand. It is of my opinion that she loves this too

- giving a previously neglected pet a new, comfortable home

- waking up to her cute face and her good morning meows

Seriously, is she not the most beautiful geriatric feline that you ever saw?!

I'm such a cat lady these days - worrying about Rubes when I am at work, bringing her into conversation at every chance, and showing off pictures of her on my phone to everyone I meet. I think I am a cat person. That, or a bit of an obsessed mum to Ruby (she is mostly human so it totally counts lol)

How about you? Are you a cat person or dog person?

melanie ann xo

today - 5/11/11

Hello there all!

Another weekend off, and am loving it! Trying to take it easy though as I've been ill this week and really need to rest up. Being ill and having to stop + rest etc is one of my least favourite things in the world as there is always so much to do. Suffice to say that I've been struggling with having to pause. 

Himself and I went for a drive this morning and checked out a local op-shop, turns out that op-shop was on its last day of trade and himself knew the owner - win! They were running a "fill a bag with books for $5" and the owner let me into the back room to rummage - awesome win! Ended up with twenty seven paperbacks, all chick lit.

Got two super cute tank tops for a few dollars each.

Not completely sold on the bows though as they sit a bit funny, think I might make some new ones out of a different material. Sigh. Add that to the 'project pile' haha. That, and try to excuse my awkward attempt at a photo of the top with me in it. Just not happening lol.

Just finished up our BBQ lunch, and cleaning up the back deck. 

Is still an evolving space, the whole house is really. I am seriously crushing on these lantern/candle holder thingamys for the table.

Soso cute/perfect! Waiting till they go on sale. I'm thinking three of the big ones spaced out on the runner or a mix of big and small in the very centre...thoughts anyone?

Am super beat so am thinking I am done being productive for today. More than ready to put my feet up and chillax with all my books :)

melanie ann xo

big news and my life of late...

As before mentioned (or vaguely hinted at lol) in this this post I've some big news...

I've been promoted at work! YAY! I really really wanted the role, like in a all consuming/ridiculous way. My manager left (such a sweetheart whom taught me alot) and I went for it.

And got it.
Craziness. Haha, not really crazy. But surreal in a huge way. Soooooooooo happy! 

Totes deserve it. Typing that is a bit  difficult (as in super hard to admit to the world) but I do.  Lots of hours and hard work went into getting here and to reap the benefits now is just lovely.

I officially started a few weeks ago, but was care taking my store for five weeks before that whilst my manager was at another local store (that manager was on a super massive holiday, which I was super envious of but she totes deserved it)

Must be doing something right eh?

the lovely card my parents sent me :)

In case you've all been missing me, that is where I have been. Working. With an awesome team. Seriously loving the women I have on board, they are such a support to me. Yup, all women. Pretty sure that is standard in the retail sector but. My area manager is the best too. Funny as, and has heaps of experience to share.

Just loving life in general. 

Neglecting my blogging and projects but I imagine that I will get to those someday. Not someday soon.

So, to sum up...

- I've my dream job

-Himself is lovely as ever and supportive, and possibly a bit over having a tired girlfriend. Whoops :S

-My weight loss program is on hold whilst I adjust to getting paid fortnightly rather than weekly, but am missing my delivered meals. Am planning to take it back up asap as I'm just 5kilos away from goal!

-Off this weekend, and am headed off to visit with himself's family

-It is a quarter to two in the A.M. and I need to sleep a bit, but missed y'all and my blog too much to be going to bed at a semi-normal hour

-Yay for life/love/stuff ♥