There is so much that I desire in this life. For myself, my relationship, for my future child/children.
I know the steps that I need to take to get there.
A loose time frame for what I wish to achieve.
Yet I continue to lose time and go in circles.
My anxiety surrounding this wasting of life is all consuming at times.
And still, I fail to progress in any way. Actually, I have gone backward in some aspects so I guess that is some form of progress lol.
Knowing the issues, knowing how to get there, even knowing where to start is very very different from actually doing.
Being mindful enough to pause, recognise the urges for what they are, to make choices that will be in line with my desires for this life. It seems impossible right now to me, but it is the only way to stop avoiding life.
Sure, I am alive but I have not been living at all.
So today I begin. Right now, this moment. Not tomorrow, or "later". This instant. Again.
As hard as I am on myself, being aware enough to know there is more to life and to not be content with 'good enough' is such a blessing. I am only 26 yet I know people decades older that are so very unhappy and have not lived. Sure I have missed much of my youth due to sickness, and having to re-learn alot of basics in my early twenties, but I still have much ahead of me.
So much living to do!
