Nourish

This week I have made serious inroads toward the person I wish to be and toward the life I want. It has been a week full of acting on 'things' that have previously been put off or put in the too hard corner. Days full of eating whenever I need to but eating balanced, clean, and nutritious foods. Not all the time however, and that's kinda okay with me (another massive leap for me!)

A nourishing week for my body, mind, and my soul.

My all feels so light and well.

Getting it done my friends, or just taking the first steps is hard but nowhere near as difficult as I led myself to believe.

Watch out orderly home and head, here I come!

Heya!

I am in my hotel's business centre with like 3 mins of internet left so need to be quick!
I am off in manhatten on my own today so have lots on my list. I lovelovelove this city, taking a gazzillion pics and just soaking it all up

Top of the rock, satc locations, Brooklyn bridge and hopefully Grand Central today. heaps want to shop along the way also but see how it goes.

This city is crazy and I love it more than anything
Made my first purchaces yesty.

So excited! I may return to Tiffany again before this trip is done! Hot tip - if you are after good service you might be dissapointed here. Unless you see Ben on the 3rd floor - love his work.

Okay, I am meeting up with some other girls in twenty mins and have some serious journaling to catch up on, cant  wait to upload some of my shots from the big camera.

love Xx

WHAT.THE.FLIP?!?!

Hello dear friends!

I have missed this ever so much and have thought of this space often. My struggles are ever present, though I feel I am winning today (yay!)

Much has been happening.

Work, surprise baby showers, more work, seeing family and friends, weekends and mini get aways in Melbourne (oh how I adore that town!)

Possibly my biggest news however is that I won an amazing award. The word amazing doesn't even do it justice. I am still flipping out that it is even happening to me.

I shall explain. Each year my workplace has two product roadshows for the store managers to attend. We get flown to Melbs to their head office and see all the new product that will be coming that season, have meetings etc. At the end of financial year roadshow an annual awards night is held where store managers and team members are recognised for their achievements.
There is also an annual competition held, with different categories you can win in.
The prize is an overseas trip.

I fucking won in my category.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for cursing, but holy fuck! Is crazy.
I totes deserved it, but thought for sure that I would lose out because stuff like that doesn't happen to me. There I was, all prepared to lose and ready for the disappointment. Such a positive thinker I am haha.

My store won company wide. That's out of like a hundred and something stores. Won't go into specifics (privacy and confidentiality etc) but it was in the area of customer satisfaction. SO proud!

When it was actually announced I was so spun out. Up on the stage I had to ask the girl next to me if I had won, I was still thinking it was some sort of cruel rouse lol.

And then shit got real.

We aren't told where we are going ahead of time. Last year was LA, Disneyland, and Vegas. Year before Hawaii. Not sure, but I think it may of been Thailand before that (before I joined the company)
So yeah, up on the stage we were and they asked the group if we would like to know where we were going.
Um yeah!

Some music started playing, and I was still so spun out that I didn't even comprehend it. Everyone started flipping out so I asked the girl next to me where we were going.
She just looked at me like I was the dumbest person ever haha.

Telling you, shit got wayyyyyy real after that.
A guy came running out dressed as the Statue of Liberty.

Then I flipped out and started crying maybe. All a blur after that haha. I do remember realising that New York, New York was playing and thinking how embarrassing for me not knowing lol.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEW YORK!!!! New fucking York!!!!!!!!

The one place in the world I want to go to most. Even today, three months later I just sat back and shook my head. WTF

Flights, accommodation, food, drink, tours, and entertainment taken care of. Cray cray right?!?!

I leave in like eight days. Is nuts. So flipping excited.

That's my biggest news I wanted to share. Pretty incredible.

So whats news with y'all?

Tell me some stories.

Talk soon x

P.S

♥♥♥

Back to the beginning...again

There is so much that I desire in this life. For myself, my relationship, for my future child/children.
I know the steps that I need to take to get there.
A loose time frame for what I wish to achieve.

Yet I continue to lose time and go in circles.

My anxiety surrounding this wasting of life is all consuming at times.

And still, I fail to progress in any way. Actually, I have gone backward in some aspects so I guess that is some form of progress lol.

Knowing the issues, knowing how to get there, even knowing where to start is very very different from actually doing.

Being mindful enough to pause, recognise the urges for what they are, to make choices that will be in line with my desires for this life. It seems impossible right now to me, but it is the only way to stop avoiding life.

Sure, I am alive but I have not been living at all.

So today I begin. Right now, this moment. Not tomorrow, or "later". This instant. Again.

As hard as I am on myself, being aware enough to know there is more to life and to not be content with 'good enough' is such a blessing. I am only 26 yet I know people decades older that are so very unhappy and have not lived. Sure I have missed much of my youth due to sickness, and having to re-learn alot of basics in my early twenties, but I still have much ahead of me.

So much living to do!

hurro

Hi all, I have been MIA for a while now (well duh)
The truth is I am finding life a bit overwhelming. My self care routine has gone to shit so therefore I am feeling pretty bad emotionally, physically, and also pretty rockbottom spiritually.
This place is never very far from my thoughts, it is all just too much for me right now though.
 Please do connect with me otherwise -




  Or you can email me - m.everitt @ live.com
Missing you all Xx

Bitterness be gone

In my heart I have so many dreams and desires for my life. They may not seem significant to many, and sometimes I myself don't feel as though they are "enough" I don't have these huge plans for world domination, or fame, or even massive wealth. A house of my own, a bubba on my hip, and the love of my life by my side would mean more than all of the gazillion dollars in the world.

 To be a mamma, to love and to be loved back. To make a difference in my world.

 To break this cycle of hatred, bitterness, and dwelling on the past that is ever present in my family.

 It breaks my heart that they can not see the ramifications of their actions. To walk away from it all, to be unforgiving or unable to see that life is not black and white. Family, in my experience anyhow, can be pretty effing frustrating and hurtful at times. They might behave in hurtful ways, break trust time and time again, manipulate etc etc. But they are your family. Your blood, part of who you are today. The world is full enough hate, I cannot fathom actively clinging to such bitterness, of becoming so twisted.
 I can fully appreciate pulling back and protecting yourself and your loves, for that is what I have done myself. Put myself first and done what is best. It is possible to forgive but not put yourself in a position where you will be hurt again. Just sayin'

 "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned" 

- Buddha

 This running away and shutting people out of your life just perpetuates the cycle. Now I know I don't have children yet, but I hope when (and if) I do that I have enough sense to be leading by example. To be forgiving, treating myself and others with respect, to know who I am and have the guts to be that person.
 I know that I missed out on many key life experiences and relationships in my childhood because of bitterness and anger. I would not want any child of mine to have me in the way of knowing their family or of having such relationships (that is within reason of course)
I guess what I am saying - is that I love and miss my sister and hate that I have to miss out on so much because of hate and other peoples actions that have nothing much to do with me. Because I choose to forgive someone does not mean for a second that I condone their actions in the slightest. It simply means that I choose better, that I do not want my life to be the same.

I'm changing the story, starting now.

essence

es·sence

1.the basic, real, and invariable nature of a thing or its significant individual feature or features: Freedom isthe very essence of our democracy.

This week I found myself reflecting on how this space is lacking in my everyday. Due to my being time poor, the 'big events' tend to get covered, and the rest slips by unmentioned. In future I would like to remedy this by including more topics that make up my days, that mesh together and make up my world. All of the beings and events that are the very essence of my days and of me. Would like this part of my world to match up to the rest.
What better starting off point is there then my biggest obsession?

The beautiful Ruby Clare.
 When I say obsessed, it is possibly an understatement. All day long she is in my thoughts, I manage to bring conversation around to her, and as soon as we get home of an evening we seek her out for cuddles.
 Looking back into the archives on here though she had one mention. Craziness. Last time Ruby had a post of her own (here) she had not long come to live with us. At the time Ruby was quite poorly indeed, needing some vet care asap.
The vet nurse lied about the haircut coming good in a timely manner.
Only now, four months later has all her fur started to even out.

 Ruby is the most spoilt cat I have ever encountered. Feed on demand (starting with first feed at 5.50 am when she wakes us) ramps to get onto our bed and the lounge (she has a bit of trouble jumping these days) and her own blankets to snuggle. When I say her own blankets they used to be ours but she has claimed the fluffiest/warmest to nest on.

Ruby Clare's favourite pastimes -

watching the world from the window sill in the bedroom

sleeping and eating

meowing near our heads if we attempt to sleep past eight

being the most gorgeous feline ever 

sleeping

every few weeks she likes to go outside and walk on the grass a little, she then returns back inside and sleeps for several hours to recover

 We adore her and can't imagine what we did with our time before she joined us.
That, and she is now nineteen years old. NINETEEN! That's nuts.
I had no idea cats lived that long, so I googled it. Turns out Rubes is 93-ish in cat years (whoa) and the oldest a cat lived to on record is thirty something. I can't even imagine.
She is fairly frail already, so I am just stoked on every day we get of her. Would love to see her make twenty.

xo

wedding week revisited

As I mentioned on the 'day before my birthday post' I wish to re-visit a bunch of posts and topics that never did get completed. So here we have it, wedding week revisited.
Day one was terrible. Day two, more fun but still in a heap of pain which was shit as my sister and I had a trip to Ikea planned for that day.
The nearest Ikea to me is in Sydney. I am in Newcastle. That takes almost 2 hours to get there on the freeway. Totes worth it.
Not sure I even bought anything much that trip, but worth it for the meatballs and scented candles. Was sorely disappointed to find that they no longer sell Daim candy, but instead have made their own version of it. We tried their version and it was gross.

Day three was hairdresser, for a much needed colour, and Himself's band playing their second gig ever. That is Himself on the bass to the far right in the pic below.
Very loud but a fun night indeed.

Wedding week kicked up a gear or two from here as we started to seriously run errands on Day Four, and Day Five was spent setting up the reception venue.
FYI chair covers are not simple to put on.

go team :P

Miss Patrice getting her wedding prep on

centre pieces and table scatters - old jam jars with tea light candles and sheet music hole punched into hearts - was perfect

favours for guests -jam jars with the cutest labels ever

Was super fun, and then I went home and (try) to get sleep.
I was so excited and exhausted and everything all at once so the sleep thing wasn't very successful lol.

Bit of a postscript - sorry if this seems all a bit primary school report on 'what I did this summer' etc, my writing skills are pretty stuck at the point that I stopped listening in class properly. It is something that I truly want to look at developing 'one day' as it is very limiting to me. And embarrassing. I suck :(
Another post script - that's totes my bedside table and suitcases above. Just sayin'

Thanks for sticking around while I have been erratic with posting, you guys are amazeballs
See you back here for mine and Patrice's wedding day ;)
Xx

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

Of late I have been feeling as though there is always tomorrow to become all I can be, and that second best/half hearted efforts "will do for now"
Stuck in this 'just getting by' rut for the past few weeks has turned me into a zombie. When asked "so what have you been up to lately?" pretty much the standard response is "Just working"
Going to work.
And spending time on facebook and instagram, lurking people that are out living. Dreaming of a life that looks nothing like this.

What I really desire is being able to answer working, blogging, the gym, wandering with my camera, creating, discovering, living this life to its fullness.

This life is short. Too short.

Way too short to leave it untill tomorrow, because tomorrow might never present itself.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?"

 -mary oliver-the summer day 

One more sleep...

...until it is my birthday!!

Well, not my birthday personally, but Melanie Ann Creative's 1st birthday!!

source

YAY! (side note, I don't heaps celebrate my own birthday - as in try to pretend it doesn't exsist - so my level of excitement about this has caught me off guard lol)

It is super exciting because I don't tend to keep at things for very long, and had very little faith in my sticking at this but here I am :)

Still working out direction, finding my voice, and dreaming of all this here space can be. Most importantly of all - loving it so much more than a year ago.

I feel as though I am still so new at this, not a year old blogger thats for sure!
What is to come?

My biggest hope for this next while is to (health permitting of course) continue on with some of the projects I have already started (30 days of blogging for example, oh and freaking wedding week lol) continue posting about my passions/inspirations, and this journey of growth and discovery called life.
On the technical side of things, I want to get out and about with my camera and perhaps even get someone on the other side of it so I can go ahead and get some punchy images of me up on here and make some decent buttons. Perhaps I will finally take the plunge and actually pay someone do all the coding that I can't lol.

Big thanks to all of you that have joined me here, and whom continue on with me here. My fellow bloggers and readers that I have connected with here is truly what it is all about. Much love and even bigger thanks again, you're all amazing!

"Un-slumping yourself is not easily done."

True story.

All day long I have been having little 'I think I can moments' and have started to get up and move about. Move about and try to make the most of the day, to start over again, to fix me up.
But then it has been getting hard/scary/overwhelming, so I stop and try to hide.

I've just described life for many people on this earth I am sure.

Doesn't mean that it is okay by me to live a half-life that is 'easy'

It is so not okay that it is totally laughable. Except I'm not in a laughing mood.

I am in a shitty life-is-hard-and-scary-and-I-don't-wanna mood. Pretty much chucking a tanty because I do not wish to feel this way but I know it is up to me to change it.
The motivation will arrive once steps are taken toward the goal. Same as the feeling-great part too. Don't have to wait until I achieve my 'want' - the 'getting there' part will feel fantabolous.

It is all just too much. Too bright. Too loud. Too scary. Too heavy. It all feels so huge and heavy.

And yuck.

wedding week - day one

As previously mentioned here, I took time off to help prepare and to enjoy the week of Linz's wedding. Or better known as 'wedding week' in this household lol.
Many plans were made for this week starting with lunch on the harbour and cocktails with some workmates on day one.

Never happened.

In fact, when I woke on Monday morning, stood up walked into the kitchen (to feed the cat lol) I was hit with the most excruciating pain ever.
Horrid horrid pain that made me feel like voming.

Possibly navigate away from this post if you are a dude or not very open about women's health....

possible TMI below.....

You were forewarned :P

So I've Endometriosis, reoccurring cysts on my ovaries, and horrible heavy periods that make me really weak (and a moody little bitch haha)
Pretty much at any given time my belly is sore. It ranges from little twinges right through to horrid make me bend in two pain.

But never pain like this. My thinking was that a hot bath would ease the pain so I ran one, it barely took the edge off though. The pains came in waves and it got to the point where I was alternatively screaming out in pain and leaning over the side of the bath to vomit. It was scary. After 30mins or so of this I started to get super frightened that it was a pregnancy or something had ruptured inside me. I then called my parents to come and get me to take me to the Doctors (it must of been bad because I hatehatehate asking for help from anyone or being vunerable Hmm, is that the same thing? Anyhow, it is shit and I don't like it lol)
 and as soon as my Dad was on his way the pain eased off a bit. Always the way haha.

So I ended up having to cancel my lunch date (effing lame!) do a pregnancy test (super negative thankyou very much!) and have been given a 'maybe it was a cyst bursting' diagnoses.
The Dr was super nice though and gave me a new prescription to try, and I am still on a wayyyy long waiting list for surgery to clear out the Endo.

Day One of wedding week sucked, eh?
All I can be glad for is that it didn't happen later in the week. That would of been beyond shit.

a quick hello

Hi there!
The wedding was yesterday. It was seriously amazing. Every aspect was beautiful - the weather, theme, and most importantly the bride!

Linz was stunning.

That all being said I am tired as/hungover and want to do a mega big post on wedding week. So check back for that over the next week, hope this finds you all well.

Thanks for dropping by!

my bouquet from yesterday - amazingly beautiful ♥

bride to be festivities (image heavy)

Oh hi there!

This week has gone by super fast indeed. More than keen to share some images from last weekend before it gets too long ago (by my standards anyhow haha)

A wayyyy fun time was had by all, it seems as the fun level increased the images taken decreased dramatically :S

The festivities started in the afternoon with some cheese and crackers, mingling, and then some fun/sweet games.
We played 'Linsey' trivia which was hilarious. Also, Linsey's fiance was asked a bunch of questions beforehand and she had to guess his answers. This was both funny and very very lovely as some of his answers were beautiful about her.

Linsey and Kav (fellow bridesmaid and our games and music gal)

most amazing cupcakes ever! Christine (fellow bridesmaid) created these. so clever

Auntie Candy, Nanna, and Katie (fellow bridesmaid and creator of the beautiful sash Linz is wearing)

forgot to get pics before food was served, whoops haha

As Linz had no idea about the plans, we planned a scavenger hunt for her throughout the day where she had to decipher a bunch of clues that led her to tasks, items to wear (to embarrass as she was the hen) or onto the next location.

Auntie Candy, bride to be, and Sam

The apron in the above image was bought from Little Miss Dinah on etsy. I had big plans to create my own for her using this tutorial, but never found the time so bought instead. In future I do plan on sewing myself one though. Cutest!

my daddy in his element ♥

My dad is a bus driver and we put that to good use and hired him for the night, as well as a bus. He pulled up to the house as the bridal shower wound down and Linz followed the clues to a local gourmet pizza place.
Shared some of the yummiest pizza's ever between the table, and a few bottles of wine and the clues continued...

linsey and christine (fellow bridesmaid and cupcake genius!)

One of the tasks was to get a gentleman's business card. Linz asked the restaurant manager, Adam. he didn't have one but gave over the restaurant's card with his name written across it. He was hilarious the whole time and a great sport.

adam trying to write on Linsey's face

Our time at the restaurant ended with some tipsy-giggling girls humming 'here comes the bride' as Adam walked Linz out.

We then proceeded onto my place of residence where we had told Linz her last surprise was waiting, a present that was too big to bring to her.

bride to be banner from FancyFlamingo

mum (mother of bride) and auntie shell

I think that her guess was a jumping castle.

on route, with a makeshift blindfold

Twas a stripper.

please note my half baked attempt at bunting in the background. I ran out of time but it would have been super cute haha

A dwarf stripper.

 His name is Tiny Tim and he was hilarious. He was an absolute hit and we all loved the show.

myself, tim, + linz

Above is one of the only shots of me on the day. I borrowed that dress from Linz and I am totally obsessed with it. Super flattering and pretty and I wanna steal it :P

After the entertainment we were due to head over to a chocolate bar for dessert but we decided to head on in for cocktails instead. I'd not had cocktails before and was sceptical as to whether they were worth the $14 a go.
They totally were. I sampled the "Vodka espresso", and "Mama's apple pie". Yummiest beverages ever!
We popped by for some Karaoke, then to a local club for dancing and frivolites.

Fell into bed at around 3.30am totally exhausted, quite drunk, and stoked with how well it all went.

And so that, my dear friends, is what I have been working away at for the past few months.
All of the planning, creating, and etsy browsing came together nicely along with help from Linz's Mum, the fellow bridesmaids, and my Daddy.

Oh and Tim haha.

heck yes!

Nine hours sleep, eating well(ish), taking my vitamins this morning and a quick bike ride this arvo has left me feeling pretty darn amazing right now.

Do I feel freaking high on feeling-goodness right now?

Heck yes!

I feel so energised that I could totally dance like this right now...

No. That's a lie.

Only Napoleon can dance that well, the rest of us can only watch on in total awe as he busts those moves.

But anyhow...

Feeling great is considerably, well great, haha.

On that note, it is new-pod-cast-night so I am off for a shower and early bedtime.

Happy Monday all, I truly hope you feel as wonderful as I at this moment

x

bride to be...

Currently in 'day-after' mooch mode from the above celebrations. I am uploading and sorting the resulting images, and reflecting on an awesome time had by all.
Expect a massive post/photo dump in the coming days...

old beginings

I want to blog more

to have a clean home

to lose that last bit of weight

to be a nicer girlfriend

to be kinder to my body and myself

to live an authentic existence

to no longer merely want to be all these things, but to be living a life that strives toward being the best me. to make continued and somewhat consistent efforts toward this

no longer do I wish to live life according to the urges I feel - no longer grab every single time for the quickest fix

to sit with these urges and impulses screaming at me means they will fade away. afterwards I will be stronger.

afterwards it will all be okay. it is just a matter of getting to the after

now is not the part where I will vow that 2012 will be the year, that it will all change because it is the new year. I am still the same me I was at the very start of 2011, wanting much the same as now. longing to be living life the way my heart desires.

that's the good thing about life, so many chances to give it another go.

and so today, the 3rd Jan 2012, I am giving it another go.

one urge at a time. one teeny tiny step at a time. perhaps even a whole day at a time.

I will leave you here with images of my right now, the home that is making my heart practically burst with happiness.

 I hope that you all join me in these moments of my trying to live life as me. attempting change. giving an authentic life a really good go.

much love