True story.
All day long I have been having little 'I think I can moments' and have started to get up and move about. Move about and try to make the most of the day, to start over again, to fix me up.
But then it has been getting hard/scary/overwhelming, so I stop and try to hide.
I've just described life for many people on this earth I am sure.
Doesn't mean that it is okay by me to live a half-life that is 'easy'
It is so not okay that it is totally laughable. Except I'm not in a laughing mood.
I am in a shitty life-is-hard-and-scary-and-I-don't-wanna mood. Pretty much chucking a tanty because I do not wish to feel this way but I know it is up to me to change it.
The motivation will arrive once steps are taken toward the goal. Same as the feeling-great part too. Don't have to wait until I achieve my 'want' - the 'getting there' part will feel fantabolous.
It is all just too much. Too bright. Too loud. Too scary. Too heavy. It all feels so huge and heavy.
And yuck.
Sunday 12 February 2012
Monday 6 February 2012
wedding week - day one
As previously mentioned here, I took time off to help prepare and to enjoy the week of Linz's wedding. Or better known as 'wedding week' in this household lol.
Many plans were made for this week starting with lunch on the harbour and cocktails with some workmates on day one.
Never happened.
In fact, when I woke on Monday morning, stood up walked into the kitchen (to feed the cat lol) I was hit with the most excruciating pain ever.
Horrid horrid pain that made me feel like voming.
Possibly navigate away from this post if you are a dude or not very open about women's health....
possible TMI below.....
You were forewarned :P
So I've Endometriosis, reoccurring cysts on my ovaries, and horrible heavy periods that make me really weak (and a moody little bitch haha)
Pretty much at any given time my belly is sore. It ranges from little twinges right through to horrid make me bend in two pain.
But never pain like this. My thinking was that a hot bath would ease the pain so I ran one, it barely took the edge off though. The pains came in waves and it got to the point where I was alternatively screaming out in pain and leaning over the side of the bath to vomit. It was scary. After 30mins or so of this I started to get super frightened that it was a pregnancy or something had ruptured inside me. I then called my parents to come and get me to take me to the Doctors (it must of been bad because I hatehatehate asking for help from anyone or being vunerable Hmm, is that the same thing? Anyhow, it is shit and I don't like it lol)
and as soon as my Dad was on his way the pain eased off a bit. Always the way haha.
So I ended up having to cancel my lunch date (effing lame!) do a pregnancy test (super negative thankyou very much!) and have been given a 'maybe it was a cyst bursting' diagnoses.
The Dr was super nice though and gave me a new prescription to try, and I am still on a wayyyy long waiting list for surgery to clear out the Endo.
Day One of wedding week sucked, eh?
All I can be glad for is that it didn't happen later in the week. That would of been beyond shit.
Many plans were made for this week starting with lunch on the harbour and cocktails with some workmates on day one.
Never happened.
In fact, when I woke on Monday morning, stood up walked into the kitchen (to feed the cat lol) I was hit with the most excruciating pain ever.
Horrid horrid pain that made me feel like voming.
Possibly navigate away from this post if you are a dude or not very open about women's health....
possible TMI below.....
You were forewarned :P
So I've Endometriosis, reoccurring cysts on my ovaries, and horrible heavy periods that make me really weak (and a moody little bitch haha)
Pretty much at any given time my belly is sore. It ranges from little twinges right through to horrid make me bend in two pain.
But never pain like this. My thinking was that a hot bath would ease the pain so I ran one, it barely took the edge off though. The pains came in waves and it got to the point where I was alternatively screaming out in pain and leaning over the side of the bath to vomit. It was scary. After 30mins or so of this I started to get super frightened that it was a pregnancy or something had ruptured inside me. I then called my parents to come and get me to take me to the Doctors (it must of been bad because I hatehatehate asking for help from anyone or being vunerable Hmm, is that the same thing? Anyhow, it is shit and I don't like it lol)
and as soon as my Dad was on his way the pain eased off a bit. Always the way haha.
So I ended up having to cancel my lunch date (effing lame!) do a pregnancy test (super negative thankyou very much!) and have been given a 'maybe it was a cyst bursting' diagnoses.
The Dr was super nice though and gave me a new prescription to try, and I am still on a wayyyy long waiting list for surgery to clear out the Endo.
Day One of wedding week sucked, eh?
All I can be glad for is that it didn't happen later in the week. That would of been beyond shit.
Sunday 5 February 2012
a quick hello
Hi there!
The wedding was yesterday. It was seriously amazing. Every aspect was beautiful - the weather, theme, and most importantly the bride!
Linz was stunning.
That all being said I am tired as/hungover and want to do a mega big post on wedding week. So check back for that over the next week, hope this finds you all well.
Thanks for dropping by!
The wedding was yesterday. It was seriously amazing. Every aspect was beautiful - the weather, theme, and most importantly the bride!
Linz was stunning.
That all being said I am tired as/hungover and want to do a mega big post on wedding week. So check back for that over the next week, hope this finds you all well.
Thanks for dropping by!
 |
| my bouquet from yesterday - amazingly beautiful ♥ |
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